Anyone who has lost someone they love dearly will tell you, you don’t. However, with time and as you come head to head with the truth, you slowly but surely learn to accept or learn to live without that person.
I hope not to come across as coy , blatant or insensitive. I, for the first time, lost someone that could never be replaced. My dad. No, he was not perfect, but he was my dad. The only earthly father I’ll ever have. June 2014 marks the 3rd year of his passing and it was much easier to deal with this year than last year and the year before that.
So how can you get over? Well, here are 3 things (above a whole lot) that I did to help me get through my loss and still do.
1. Realize that it’s okay to cry, to feel a gaping hole and to mourn. It DOES hurt. Some individuals take a while to realize it, some mourn straight away. It is really okay, take your time. As far as I am concerned, there is not a mold that fits us all. At the same time, try not to drown yourself in things that can harm you, such as excessive alcohol for example. For me, (and I haven’t shared this with many people) but about 2 weeks after my dad passed away, I would sit in my car at 5am and just cry. That way no one would hear me and I could be alone with my thoughts. Its where I was comfortable.
2. Write down your memories and your thoughts. That person obviously meant a lot to you. Trying to forget them doesn’t work and shouldn’t. Remembering the good times will put a smile on your face, even for a second. But that second is worth the smile that person has caused. I would dream about my dad and when I woke up, I would smile before it would hurt again. But 3 years on, I am able to just smile and sometimes laugh as I share these memories with my daughters.
3. Remember that you are not alone. Someone in your family is mourning too. Some people mourn out loud, some in silence. If you would prefer not to share your thoughts with other family members, be open to visiting a pastor, counselor, priest or someone you feel comfortable talking too. Keeping your “whys?” to yourself, will only devastate you more. After a few weeks, I was able to talk to my siblings about how I felt, my confusions and just let it air out. In addition, I was able to speak to a spiritual leader who made me realize that my dad is one of two parents that I have. It was inevitable that I hurt so much.
By no means am I a counselor or a certified therapist. I am just sharing what works for me and still does. My dad was a doctor. The only doctor I trusted with my life, to lose him 3 years ago was hard. Not only as his daughter, but also as his “patient”. I have gotten up and re-established my life. I celebrate his birthday with a slice of cake, but not the anniversary of his passing. I am not there yet.
I hope that this message helped someone. If you have any coping mechanisms you would like to share, please feel free to do so below. I look forward to reading them.
In the mean time, Rest In Peace Dad, you will always be an inspiration to me.