Last week I spoke about conversations and how we can begin them. I hope you were able to take away from that post and actually use the simple steps provided.
Today, I will share what my spouse and I do to communicate effectively.This works whether the matter is heated or not. It is not limited it our marital relationships or with those that we hope to grow old with, but with those who we work with, worship with, have friendships with and even down to the waiter/waitress who serves us at the counter. It’s very simple..
[ctt tweet=””A LACK OF COMMUNICATION CAN ONLY LEAD TO A MISUNDERSTANDING!”” coverup=”xmG4Y”]
Lets be honest, nothing good can come from misunderstandings.
The first two things you need to do to improve your communication with your loved one is to STOP and LISTEN. These two very simple actions will allow you to actually process ALL of what the other person has just said so that you can respond effectively and without half-hearing. Feel free to ask your loved one to repeat what they had just said or to elaborate on their statement. This can only work in your favor, but be careful of how you ask, your tone is just as important.
If you are in the midst of a shouting match, this wont work. But silence will. Once you calm down, ask! The Bible implores us to be “…quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Your responding words can make or break a situation so be very slow.
Once you have CORRECTLY processed the request or statement of your loved one, respond. Respond with repeating what your loved one has just said. This shows that you were actually listening and that you fully understand what they have just said. Do not respond with malice, hate or hurtful intentions regardless of what the other person has said. You KNOW that this is all elementary, but let’s be honest, we can all act childish in the heat of the moment.
I raise my hand, when we were first married, I was not always so diplomatic. I always hadsomething to say as calculated as I am. Not only was I not building my marriage but I was breaking trust between us. Culprit? Miscommunication!! (and cultural differences)…lol
At the same time, let us not forgo the importance of NON-VERBAL communication. Pay attention to your eyes, your attitude, your stance and your tone of voice. Speak to others the way you would like to be spoken to. When listening, ACT like you are. There is a big difference between hearing and listening. Are you LISTENING?
As stated before, it doesn’t have to always be so complicated and trying. Effective communication is really all about the end result in my opinion. The outcome of the conversation will show you whether communication between the both of you IS effective. Once whatever is on your heart or mind has been laid out and BOTH parties understand the issue, problem or task at hand., the next step is about planning out the steps of execution.
The question is “How can we make this better?” and “How can we solve this matter?” Together as a team you can figure it out even if it means seeking counsel or a trained well third party . It is always better to be on the same page as your loved one than on opposite sides of the fence. This results in a stronger bond and additional trust, an environment marriages usually flourish in.
- Stop & Listen
- Probe & ask to Elaborate.
- Respond with care – Repeat what was just said and pay attention to your non-verbal communication
- Create & Execute your plan of action
Feel free to ask questions comment and subscribe. I am here to serve you.